23Mar

Master of Mind

I am struggling to understand the difference between being a master or a slave of the mind. There is an ongoing war and peace process ruffling between us in this awkward shift. All the masterminds have given powerful citations on being mindless. Me on the other hand, have been struggling to find out, how one could be without mind when mind already exists in its own presence. Indeed, what they meant with mindless was being able to let the mind talk or keep its silence in one’s own need.

They once told me that a master is a dignified man who could place legitimate borders with others. What I said in return is that placing legitimate borders with my own self could only bring dignified relationships. Instead of building models, I had to break my previously built patterns to get free. As individuals surrounding me reflects who I am, than my gratification towards them represents my satisfaction with self. Therefor, real issue is about being my authentic self.

Through years I forgot myself by getting equipped with unfamiliar information from family, school, society, and different medias. In order to be a though cookie I scrambled myself. I became foreigner to my self, as I got lost in the process of figuring out what to be. I spent years getting trapped in ego. Trying to differentiate ego and inner self by questioning but I could not. At the end, I started laughing at my self with disappointment.

At that point I realized every cloud had a silver lining. I started to see bitterness I created for myself. All the models, conditions, musts, rules, procedures, right or wrongs etc. started to diminish. I became unidentified as they fall apart. I realized that I could have abandoned what I had done through years but I could not. I was literally a slave of my mind. I had created imaginary unsatisfied siblings on my mind, which kept raising fingers at me.

I decided to build borders with them. I told them to keep their silence, as they appeared to tell me what to do. Meanwhile, I started to realize all the borders that I built outside myself. In this regard, I became independent from my thought patterns. My mind became more silent .My worries and stress started to get less. The mind I had previously was like a man who talked aimlessly with a panic attack started to heal.

I started to have my own solutions. I accepted my mistakes by enjoying them. Defeat became as beautiful as victory as I understood one’s victory as another’s defeat. Everyone’s separate life patterns became more valid. I turned myself off to medias that tells me what to do. I only opened up to help that came in my own need. As all the forms disappeared, I understood myself as a changeable being. I loved myself more with my changeable patterns. As I reminded myself being a human without a set form, I became more comfortable with myself. Awareness started to mean differentiating the patterns I created within myself.

I learned to live as a dignified man by understanding today would not be there tomorrow, and would not mean any thing, as it would not exist the day after that I only needed to live at the moment.

This became my ongoing process of war and peace…

 

 

 

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